Dear Ovaries,

It’s me, Annie.

This blog is a long time coming. Here’s what ya need to know:

I am infertile… or so we think…

So why a blog you may ask? Throughout my infertility process I have been shocked by the number of women who experience infertility but do not talk about it publicly or to their own social circles. It’s a lonely and scary experience, lacking a community makes it harder. 6.7 MILLION (11% of women) experience infertility and yet its a point of shame. Its time to speak up sisters! It is not shocking that once again, something revolved around women’s bodies and health is a point of discomfort. Women are taught that their worth is within their ability to mother while simultaneously taught to be ashamed of their bodies. And let’s be honest, the dead stare people give you when you tell them what you are doing doesn’t motivate you to want to share. Being a woman is a tough space to navigate when you are feeling 100%, its even harder when you are on insane amounts of hormones. And so I have created this space to laugh, cry, and figure out how to navigate the messy world of infertility alongside you.

To be clear, this blog is to not to chart my day-to-day (I can sum that up with cry-doctor appointment- laugh-cry-surgey-doctor appoint-repeat). It is a space to support one another. While this blog is not about personal woes,  I do think it’s pertinent to share what led me to this point. And thus I bring you the tale of two sad ovaries.

TIMELINE:

  • December 2013- Cue voice in my head that said… its time, lets make babies! Tell husband, he says “DUH!” Decision made, case closed. (I was 27 at the time)
  • May 2014- Off BC
  • June 2014- No period
  • July 2014- No period
  • August 2014- No period… okay this is getting weird right? Turned 28
  • September 2014- No period… okay time to do something  (I always got my period before BC)
  • Late September 2014- Family friend works for a fertility doctor and suggests they check me out. I learn my uterus and ovaries have gone on vacation. No diagnosis, suspect PCOS, nothing confirmed.
  • October 2014- Prepped for IUI, body doesn’t respond to meds. On the last day of the cycle I begin to ovulate and they  go through with IUI.
  • November 2014- Negative test- not pregnant
  • December 2014- Prepped for IUI using stimulant shots since I didnt respond to the chlomide equivalent. BOOM! I really react to these meds, round is cancelled, not safe for me to have an IUI.- Devastated.
  • December 2014- Fast tracked to IVF, high risk for over-stimulation (too many follicles, ovaries can rupture). Big decisions to make.

MINDSET OCTOBER- DECEMBER: This can’t really be happening? This will be over soon!

  • January 2015- Start IVF meds (shots, etc.)
  • Early February 2015- Egg Retrieval #1- FAIL. Had over 20 follicles and the Dr. didn’t get one egg out. TRAUMATIZING.
  • Mid February 2015- Switch doctors, feel a sense hope.- Diagnosed with “Unexplained Infertility” <—BOO!
  • Late February 2015- HSN reveals scar tissue, have a hysteroscopy to remove.
  • March 2015- Egg Retrieval #2- UTTER SUCCESS!! 48 Follicles, 24 eggs retrieved, 6 beautiful Day 6 Embryos.– Starting to feel hope again.
  • April 2015- Transfer #1- FAIL- 1 embryo
  • May 2015- Transfer # 2- FAIL- 1 embryo
  • June 2015- Transfer #3- FAIL – 1 embryo
  • July 2015- Transfer #4- FAIL- 2 embryos- By this point I am a drugged out zombie who is a shell of a human. I have gained 25 lbs in about 5 months (despite eating 1250 calories of nutrient dense food (this was my normal before IVF) a day and working out 5 days a week), feel beyond terrible, and am devastated. I had defied the stats.

MINDSET JANUARY-JULY: WHY ME? WHY ME?! NO END IN SITE.

  • July 2015- Official start to our break, devised a new plan
  • August 2015- December 2015– Break with a plan to start in November. October rolled around and I wasn’t ready to start up again. I was feeling like myself and was not mentally ready for the meds.  While this break was terrifying to me initially, it was the best thing we could have done. I gained so much clarity and was able to create a timeline. ALSO NO PERIOD. Turned 29.
  • December 2015- Start prepping for retrieval

MINDSET DECEMBER: It is what it is! End is in sight. We will have a baby either through this next cycle or adoption.

  • January 2016- Retrieval #3– COMING SOON

Next steps are contingent upon our embryos.  Because I do not have a  diagnosis, I am young, and I am told over and over “everything looks perfect” we need to genetically test our embryos.

 

WHAT TO EXPECT:

  • Guides to doctors visits
  • Explanations of procedures
  • Stories of IVF- the good, the bad, the ugly
  • Listographies (think Buzzfeed)
  • Fashion Posts
  • Health and Wellness Posts
  • Media reviews
  • Resources

and MORE!

-Annie

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