Dear Pregnant folks and Parents,

WHO THIS IS FOR:

  • My comrades going through IVF or the adoption process
  • Fertile people who post all over Facebook, all of the time.

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Dear Pregnant Couples and Parents,

I am writing on behalf of my infertile friends and allies. I can say with the utmost certainty that your lackadaisical comments and behavior drives us mad.  So instead of screaming I am going to bestow upon on you a few nuggets of wisdom and hope that you savor every word and let it marinate. This are not to say its not okay to have feelings, what I am saying though is you are privileged. Be aware of your privilege before typing away, while in line at Starbucks, at parties, etc.

STOP AND SAY THANK YOU

Making a baby required you to have sex, tough times. Following the birth of your children you post about how much your life sucks.

Next time your kid shits on the wall, or you haven’t slept all night, stop and look at your baby/kid and say thank you. Give him or her a kiss and appreciate you have the privilege to manage those new experiences.

PREGNANCY SICKNESS

You are sick because there is a living being in your body who is growing. You are beyond privileged. Say thank you to your belly each time you throw up. This may sound insane but I would do anything (and I am) to have that privilege and I know so many women who are in the same boat.

FINANCIAL WOES

Next time you post about how much a kid costs, stop. Go into your kids room, take out a book, snuggle and read together. Having sex to create your kid was free. If finding a nanny is too much for you, we don’t want to hear about it.  You didn’t have to put up 10s of thousands of dollars just to create your baby. Say thank you to your body.

VENT

If you feel the urge to vent, call a friend. Do not blast social media.

Think of it like this, if you had a friend with cancer or diabetes or any other health issue, would you post on Facebook about how tough it is to be healthy? Because infertility is so hush hush people don’t give infertility the same thoughtfulness. “Infertility is a disease that results in the abnormal functioning of the male or female reproductive system. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) and the World Health Organization (WHO) recognize infertility as a disease.” (Learn more here)

I beg of you to be more thoughtful. You have no idea who is crying when looking at their computer screen. I am just one of millions who are experiencing infertility, be aware of who and how you  are impacting people.

-Annie

 

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9 thoughts on “Dear Pregnant folks and Parents,

  1. This is the first blog related to infertility I have read that has made me REALLY smile! Thank you! I wish I had the guts to post this on facebook. To make a long story short, I went on facebook a few days after a failed IVF (losing twin embryos) and the VERY FIRST image I see is someone’s baby announcement. I lost it. I stayed off social media for 8 weeks because of that. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

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  2. I have to say i love this post i have experienced infertility also and there needs to be more recommendation around baby talk and announcements for people that can easily pop out babies its a kick in the guts for people experiencing infertility.

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  3. You came through my newsfeed in time where this topic is bringing me down for not being able to talk to someone about it! So thank you social media for once getting it right.
    I could of have said it better myself!
    Love your blog… Let’s talk about infertility and how hard it really is to have a baby.
    Most of my friends don’t understand.

    Like

  4. I happened upon this just days after my first visit to the ob/gyn since I’m not pregnant yet after my year of trying. I haven’t gotten sick of baby posts yet but it’s comforting to hear from others about the struggle. My parents tell me to relax and be patient. Well, if I can’t have children isn’t it better to prepare myself for that possible news but still have hope rather than be in denial?!
    Thanks for the post.

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  5. It took me 6 years and 7 painstaking IVFS before I was blessed with my twins. The process made me realize how strong my spirit is. But I know quite well that it doesn’t work out for everyone. We are part of a “club” that all members join without voluntary admission. Since this process has been brought to light..it was so refreshing to read these posts about just how delicate it can be..to be on the other side. We..IVFers…FEEL every bit of the disappointment when it’s not us getting pregnant after a “few drinks in Mexico”. Thank you for pointing out that although we are thrilled for friends and family who are expecting…we suffer quietly to only wish we could be throwing our guts up from pregnancy. Stand tough girls…to all of you..much love and strength to those who are on the journey to motherhood….for those that are in your lives…remember..you never ever know what’s going on in someone’s life…even if they are smiling..xxoo Cathy S.

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  6. This was a very rewarding post for me as well as the other ladies. I too have experienced loss and, as stated before, I am very happy for people who are able to freely become pregnant, while I secretly suffer from inadequacy. To consistently see women who can freely become pregnant, who don’t care enough for the existing children, burns me up to no end. I have been diagnosed with PCOS when I was 25 and doctors always said I would have trouble conceiving and I wasn’t worried about it at that age, but now at 36, still no kids. It’s scary! How heartbreaking for me to be told to lose about 25 pounds and it will happen, only to find a coworker who is twice as large as me is now pregnant. Why should such a loving, caring women have to struggle so hard to get pregnant when the next women has to try so hard, not to get pregnant…..I am not sure about any of the other ladies on this blog, but I would rather the latter! 😦

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  7. Thank you THANK YOU! You said what I’ve said for years! You have morning sickness, feel terrible and have swollen ankles? I welcome it!! My husband and I went through 8 years of infertlity treatments and a lot of heart ache and tears. I had isolated myself from baby showers, kids b-day parties, really anything that has to do with little ones! I was so bitter and heart broken. My husband’s friend actually said (after giving birth to their 3rd child) “you know, they make medicines for that.” Are you kidding me?!? People have no clue and no ettiquette either. So thank you for this post. Thank you for putting it out there in black in white so the fertile inconsiderate part of the population is aware that isn’t not that easy for everybody. (And no, not all fertile people are inconsiderate.)
    On a happier note, after the 8 years, we did have a beautiful baby girl that just turned 1 in June! I never thought I would have my chance to be a mommy but we finally found the right specialist/combination of medications/treatments and above all God!

    Best of luck to all! God Bless!

    Like

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