WHO THIS POST IS FOR:
- Friends and family of Infertile couples
- Infertile couples who totally get this post
TOP 10 Things not to Say to Infertile Women (or Men):
10. “Me not getting _______________ (insert dog, clothes, anything really) is like me not being able to have a baby!”
9. “You have to just let your body do its thing.”
8. “When your baby is crying in the middle of the night you will think, why did I want this?”
7. “Are you eating well? Maybe it’s that!”
6. “Get used to feeling this terrible, thats what having kids is like.”
5. “You gained weight? Well get used to that!” — NOTE: VERY DIFFERENT BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CHILD, PRETTY WORTH THE EXTRA LBS.
4. “It’s just not the right time. It will happen when its the right time.”
3. “I really think people’s thoughts control their bodies.”
2. “I dont know what’s wrong, I mean someone could sneeze on me and I would get pregnant.”
1. “Just be positive.”
A fantastic article (Not Everything Happens for a Reason: The Magic Words to Say When Everything is Going Wrong) about empathy hits on many of the reasons why these are the WRONG things to say. You can read it HERE. Be a good friend and read the the article.
While the “be positive” advice is coming from a good place, it is still hurtful. The underlying issues with these are: they are privileged, they suggest it’s your fault, they are just plain insensitive. DON’T DO IT.
As the article says, “Instead, the most powerful thing you can do is acknowledge. To literally say the words: I acknowledge your pain. I’m here with you. Note that I said with you, not for you. For implies that you’re going to do something. That’s not for you to enact. But to stand with your loved one, to suffer with them, to do everything but something is incredibly powerful.”