WHO THIS POST IS FOR:
- My IVF comrades
I was punched in the gut and reminded I have none. I realize I can’t control this whole thing (being pregnant) BUT I thought I figured out how to manage my schedule. But here I am, anxiety ridden and waiting for test results yet again.
I was supposed to get my ERA test results last Wednesday. This is a key detail because I am once again on my meds gearing up for a transfer (slated for next week). While with the doctor, not 5 minutes after my ERA test I asked if I was going to start my meds when I got my period. He told me I wouldn’t start meds because he didn’t want to get me going and then not get results in time.
Five days after my test I got my period and got a call saying it was time to get things going. I thought it was a mistake, I was told explicitly that they were going to wait. After a number of emails and calls I was told it was not a mistake, I should start taking my meds because we would have the results.
Fast forward to today and we do not have results and time is literally ticking. I was told things may work out, I may have to cancel my cycle, or push back my transfer. The last two options are unacceptable and incredibly upsetting. I naively planned a trip for next weekend to help me “relax” after the transfer but that seems to hang in suspension.
I am tired and beat down by this process. I wish I could say, “Yes XXX I will be there with the utmost certainty.” Just when I think I have made gains I take a few steps back.
I know the women who are reading this know what this feels like. I am here with you, once again waiting and wishing this was over.