We are all in this together

WHO THIS IS FOR:

EVERYONE!

startasking-homepage-image

It is infertility awareness week, HOORAY! I had the honor of writing a guest blog on the oh so very popular website Neighborhood Parents Network. NPN is a Chicago based community that helps parents from all walks of life find couples who are in the same boat as them.

Check out the post HERE.

If you are in Chicago I highly recommend checking them out. They have groups for adoption, IVF, moms who work, moms who are lawyers, stay at home moms, and the list goes on. They are a wealth of knowledge that I suggest you tap into.

-Annie

Advertisements

Start Traveling: See ya later IVF

WHO THIS IS FOR:

Couples going through infertility treatments

———————————————————————

tumblr_l5p9tsNZbM1qcz6gno1_1280

When you start infertility treatments you lose all control. Control of your body, mind, and schedule. For a long while this included travel however I bring to you a few full proof tips for taking back some control through travel. I hope these tips and tricks help bring a little bit of control back in your life and a bit of liberation.

Since January I have had 3 procedures, I have travelled out-of-state three times. I am leaving on a jet plane tonight and have another procedure a week from today. I also have a girls weekend planned in May. I am proof this is feasible!

WHEN TO SCHEDULE TRIPS

I am not talking big 2 week trips here. While we do have one planned for later in the year, if you do not want to delay treatment, big trips may be out of the picture for a bit. Three day trips are completely feasible.

  • Find out when your doctor does transfers.
    • My doctor does transfers on Thursdays. I schedule trips on Fridays if I know a transfer is in the works. I schedule trips after transfers Friday evenings through Mondays. With this schedule I do not have to worry about pushing myself too hard.
  • Give yourself wiggle room
    • Schedule 2 or so weeks in advanced, do not get ahead of yourself and do months ahead of time unless you are okay with potentially delaying a round.
  • Know your cycle
    • Once you get into the groove of treatments you tend to figure out when you will get your period, how many days on meds before transfer, etc. Use this knowledge to your advantage.

TRAVELING WITH MEDS

I traveled in February with ALL of my shots and here is what I learned, TSA could care less about having a bag full of needles. I took a ton of precautions and none of it mattered. BUT to be safe, here is what you need to do to travel with meds:

  • Make a list of all of your meds days in advanced so that you don’t have to worry and stress. Check them off the night before when you pack. Recheck the next morning.
  • Have your doctor write you a note stating its okay you have needles.
  • Tell the TSA agent you have medication.
  • PRE PLAN! Go through what you have days in advanced so that if you need  refills while you are away, you have them taken care of beforehand.
  • Put all of your meds in your carry on. You don’t want to leave the fate of your meds up to airline staff.

SCHEDULING YOUR PROCEDURES

If you are in my boat you presume you are having transfers for ever and ever. Thus, I know the drill at this point.

How to prep:

  • Tell your doctor your dates in advanced. Write to him/her in email to verify. Have coordinators verify. Stay on top of this.
  • If you are doing a transfer it may be as simple as just moving your check in appointments
    • For example my doctor likes to do lining check-ins on Fridays, instead I have moved them to Thursdays, no one seems to care.
  • You can manipulate your period if need be.
    • If things need to be delayed a week, this may be feasible. Of course consult your doctor. Last year I knew there was no way I could do a transfer when my body wanted, we were able to push things off by a week and it all worked out (the procedure happened… of course I didn’t get pregnant).

HOW TO PAY FOR YOUR TRIP

Let’s be real, you are not swimming in cash because well… you are reading this blog.

  • Sign up for a credit card with rewards (specifically travel)
    • We have a Southwest card, it has been awesome
  • Charge all of your IVF expenses to your account, before you know it you will have a  ton of points- turn this lemon into lemonade
    • IVF has paid for 6 round trip tickets and counting

I can’t live your life thinking, “when I am pregnant.” It was a hard pill to swallow but the reality of it is I  may never get there and so I must live my life with the understanding that I can’t plan to be pregnant. I do know that I will be a mom, but that may not happen from my own body. And thus, living life as if it were “normal” is all I can do.

-Annie

#StartAsking

WHO THIS POST IS FOR:

EVERYONE YOU KNOW.

———————————————–

90e4c17456a3c34387eb1c88034d48ad

April 24th- 30th is National Infertility Awareness Week, but let’s get ahead and #startasking now! That’s right, there is a whole month dedicated to educating the masses and holy moly, the masses need it. According to the CDC 12% of women between the ages of 14-44 are  struggle with infertility, thats an insane amount of people. For something that is so far reaching, we need to engage in more dialogue so that we can create a supportive community that fosters positivity so that this horrific process can be a touch better.

I have met countless couples who tell me that they suffered alone for so long. Their friends, their family, colleagues had NO IDEA what they were going through. I can’t imagine living my life without people knowing because infertility consumes your entire being. I am not 100% myself most of the time and for me I need folks to know what is going on so that my behavior or physical state is understood.

But  I digress, so many people keep it a secret because infertility is not discussed in the public space and thus it makes is shameful. Women are often made to feel it is their fault, providing little space to feel comfortable sharing their circumstance. For men, our culture of masculinity confines them to a box that says, “Man+ sperm + “spreading your seed”= MANLY.” Heck, one time I was chatting with someone who I know quite well and is pregnant, and she said, “He feels like a man,” when I asked her how her husband felt about the news of her pregnancy.  

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Advocate for Legislation

Help ensure legislation passes that protects infertile couples and ensures states require insurance cover treatment. Check out the current pieces of legislation out there and learn what representatives are sponsoring what bills HERE.

Empathize

I write about this a lot but I can not emphasize it enough. If you learn a friend is going through treatment do NOT say, “Oh I know someone who went through IVF, they are pregnant now, it will all work out.” While its great you want to show support and try to provide hope, your friends experience is just that, their experience. We don’t want to hear about it, we just want someone to listen and recognize our own struggle.

Join a support group

Resolve has a great list of groups access the country, find one and join. Having a community that truly understands your feelings and thoughts is invaluable.

#StartAsking

Resolve is hosting a campaign this week to get folks engaging in dialogue around infertility awareness. With infertility comes a slew of questions from “How is this fair?” to “Does my insurance cover this?” to “Where do I start with adoption?” When we ask these questions alone, they begin to eat away at you. When we ask these as a collective, we receive a robust compilation of answers to sift through. While the answers may not always be what we want to hear and they don’t always change your situation, knowledge is power and having an ounce of power during a time when you are utterly powerless is sacred.

dea4879bff6a476394238c91cb6df68d

-Annie

TOP 10 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE GOING THROUGH IVF (PART 2)

WHO THIS POST IS FOR:

  • My IVF comrade
  • The general public who means well but says all the wrong things

We IVF sisters unfortunately encounter common comments over and over. After a while your ability to see the good in people starts to dwindle because you hear the same asinine comments on repeat. I can say with certainty that if you know someone going through IVF you need to follow a couple steps:

  1. Listen.
  2. Think “Will this response make ______ know I listened?” If the answer is no. DO NOT SAY IT.
  3. Only speak if you have something that is empathetic.

AVOID (in no particular order):

10.“I am friends with another couple who is going through IVF for XXX years and they were so happy for us when we got pregnant. You should be too.”

9. “If you try to adopt, I bet you’ll get pregnant.”

8.“When you start puking when your pregnant, you think why did I do this?”

7. “When your kids are running around your house, you think why did I do this?”

6. “Sleep as much as you can now because you wont be able to when you don’t have a kid.”

5. “I wish I could travel now, but thats over since we have kids.”

4. “It will happen when its supposed to happen.”

3. The obligatory “Just relax. It will happen.”

2. The obligatory “Just stay positive.”

1. Talking about your period or your pregnancy in terms of hormones like we have NO IDEA what hormones do or feel like.

211474c1f833ca15dfc52fabf43aa4c1

I LOVE the friends and family guide from Resolve, I recommend emailing it to all of your friends and family as a guide to help them talk to you. It will help depersonalize it and let them know that there are some universal feelings that go into infertility.

-ANNIE

ERA: The Test You Never Knew About

WHO THIS POST IS FOR:

  • IVF couples who have defied every statistic thrown their way despite her body doing everything its “supposed” to do.

————————————————————————-

Last week was a tough week to say the least. We learned Wednesday (after waiting two extra days in our 2WW— a whole other drag) that we are once again not pregnant. While I am no longer shocked by this news, this one stung a little harder because they used 2 perfect embryos (my $13,000 investment in PGD tells us this) and my lining was the thickest its ever been (around a 9.5). But despite the perfect conditions, once again the transfer failed.

LETS TALK STATS

As a 29 year old woman with no explanation for my infertility, I should have been pregnant well…. 2 years ago. But if we are going by science/stats, we are talking two transfers ago. I have now entered the zone where I am in the extreme minority of IVF parents. We know I have awesome embryos (7 out of 18 are genetically perfect) and my lining is being very cooperative. We can presume from the PGD test that its not an egg or sperm issue (although we can not say this definitively). I have had a  hysteroscopy to make sure my uterus was squeaky clean and HSNs periodically to make sure it remained polyp/scar tissue free. The only place left to examine is when my uterus is most likely to receive an embryo and now we are doing just that.

ERA TEST

I learned of the ERA (Endometrial Receptivity Array Test) test prior to our transfer when we talked potential outcomes with our doctor. He explained that 99.99999999% of women only need progesterone for 6 days before a transfer. For example if you have a transfer on a Thursday, you start your progesterone on Saturday night. The 6 day period gets your uterus to accept an embryo at the peak time for a transfer. However .0000001% (I made that up but its something like that) of women may need one or two or three days more of progesterone to give the embryo the perfect opportunity to find a new home. Thus, the next step for us is to examine if my uterus needs some extra time to bake.

WHY THE ERA TEST MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL

I know I post about this ALL of the time but I REALLY HATE BEING ON TRANSFER MEDS. I feel and look like shit. I am usually physically ill and always mentally exhausted. I wallow in a place of low self confidence when I am on meds and yearn to be off of them entirely or to be on them and pregnant (in which case I will suck it up and love each side effect).  I am a positive person and can put a rose-y  lens on most things but when I am on my meds I struggle to find the sunshine in the clouds. I have now spent over 150 days on these meds and the end is no where in sight.

In order to do the ERA test you have to do a mock transfer. Yup thats right, I have to go through an entire cycle of meds but do not get the opportunity to transfer. What this means is, once I get my period (it has arrived) I will start back on estrogen, I will go to the doctors twice a week, start on progesterone and go to the hospital for my “procedure.” However instead of having a transfer, they will scrape my uterus, grab a sample and send it to the lab to be biopsied. HURRAY! I will then have a 2WW for my test results (HURRRRRAYYYYY- can you feel the sarcasm oozing out of my pores) and then start back up on my meds for a transfer.

MadMenPeggyHeadDesk

IS IT THE RIGHT TEST?

Of course only time will tell but from all of the literature Ive read, I am the prime candidate. My doctor did this test with a patient recently and she is pregnant. At this point in the game, that gives me little hope because each time I go through something new, I am told a story by someone that fits this framework.

“OH so many people have a successful transfer by the 2nd time.”

“Statistically most women are pregnant by the 3rd transfer, thats why insurance covers 4 retrievals.”

“This one patient couldn’t get pregnant but once she got her embryos tested she was successful her first time.”

The list goes on.

In a month or so we will once again be waiting patiently to find out test results. The highs will be high and the lows will be incredibly low. We are still on the worst rollercoaster that never seems to end.

**** I called my insurance to ask if its covered because I was told by doctor it wasn’t. (side note: Thankfully this is not near the cost of PGD). It is such a new and rare test that they had never heard of it (neither did the genetic counseling center that manages my referrals). I asked the doctor to submit it with a letter making the case as to why I need it. We shall see if they agree. If you are on the road to the ERA its worth calling your insurance directly to ask because your doctor may presume they won’t cover it which may not be the case.

-Annie

IVF approved Workout Part 2

WHO THIS IS FOR:

  • Women who are in IVF and are told to do low impact exercises while on a cycle
  • Women who overstimulate but want to workout leading up to a retrieval

WARNIG: I am not a doctor.  The advice I am providing is from my own experience. You must listen to your body and do what is right for your treatment.  Of course consult your doctor before participating in any of the exercises, if they give you the go-ahead, indulge and enjoy!

I wrote about working out a while back, check it out HERE. What makes me qualified to chat about workouts? I am a 200 RYT yoga instructor but more importantly, I am a work out nut. Prior to IVF I went hard, really hard with HIIT workouts. That unfortunately has changed over the past 1.5 years because of IVF and a big ol’ broken big toe. Speaking of which, I learned yesterday that I may never run again… add that to the file of shit I have been handed as of late. But I digress… the workouts below have a big impact with a few small movements.

This post is focused  on TRX workouts. If you haven’t taken a TRX class, I recommend finding one in your city. Definitely let your instructor know if you can’t do high impact exercise because of doctors orders.  Some classes use jumping (usually with squats) but you could easily modify with regular squats.

If you cant make a class, here are some great circuits to try. I recommend using the app Seconds so that you can have consistent circuits.

resistance-strap-workout-final_0

TRX-Workout

See them in action here: https://www.trxtraining.com/train/exercises

I found a great article on keeping form in the case you can’t get to the class. 

-Annie