WHO THIS POST IS FOR:
- Fertile friends of infertile gals/couples
I am not a leper but you wouldn’t know this based on people’s reactions. I get it, I am not the typical “idea” of an IVF patient (but who really is?). I don’t have friends going through IVF because I am one of the first in my group to try and have a baby. Despite the world around me that doesn’t know what to “do” with me, I have learned an awful lot about friendships throughout this process.
I have gained a crystal clear picture of who my friends are and why they are great friends. I had a deep fear that my sad, grumpy self would drive them away. That my inability to make plans would make them move on. However, my friends helped me realize that if they can’t handle my highs and lows, then they aren’t true friends.
I do understand that being in a friendship with someone going through IVF is hard if you don’t relate. Our brains are occupied about 90% of the time with IVF which can be annoying Im sure.
Here is what I know: We all go through shit. Friends don’t make your shit about them. They listen, they care, and they are honest. Laugh together and embrace the challenges together.
WAYS TO SHOW YOU CARE:
Be there for her
She is going to need someone to call and cry with, pick up the phone and take a dog walk.
I will never forget when I learned some horrible news and I called one of my best friends on the phone. She drove over immediately. We walked and I vented. I did not realize that throughout this walk I was cursing like a sailor. Children were within ear shot and I had no idea. After I was calm my dear friend said, “Ill never forget when we walked through the streets, you were cursing at the top of your lungs and children were fearful.” Fond memories 🙂
Check in on her
Ask your friend how she is and do not shy away from asking her how she feels emotionally (not just physically). Ask her how she wants to be approached about transfers, etc. She may not want someone asking constantly (even if it is coming from a good place) if she knows the results or how she is feeling.
Laugh with her
Her brain is constantly thinking about IVF so a little laugh is a great distraction.
This past weekend one of my best friends took on the duty of giving me my shots while we were away at a conference. While in the Verizon Center Saturday night, I needed my meds. Have no fear Steph was willing to give them to me anywhere, anytime. There I stood, skirt pulled down- shirt pulled up, in the middle of the bathroom when Steph administered a shot. Upon pulling the syringe out she hollered, “Don’t worry, its just HEROINE!” Folks sneered, we laughed. It was great.
She wants to go on a weekend trip with you or out to dinner, be flexible. Its tough being friends with smart ambitious people because they tend to be planners. While you still have the ability to plan, she doesn’t. Try to keep a few dates open and be okay with moving things around.
POSTS TO COME:
How to tell her you are pregnant